The Podcast

We don’t outgrow ADHD, we simply change with it. Join hosts Jami and Justin as we explore the intersection of ADHD and seniors.

Episode 47 – How to Make Marriage Work When You Have ADHD?

In this heartfelt follow-up episode, Jami welcomes back her cousin and therapist Dr. Jane Rosen Grandon for another deep dive into how ADHD impacts relationships—especially later in life.

With decades of marriage under her belt and a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy, Jane brings humor, honesty, and deep wisdom to the conversation. Together, they explore how undiagnosed ADHD can shape—and sometimes strain—romantic partnerships, and how self-awareness can shift the entire dynamic.

Jami reflects on her own relationship before and after her ADHD diagnosis, sharing vulnerable moments about housework, emotional energy, and learning to ask for help. Jane opens up about her own ADHD journey and how she and her husband built a lasting, respectful partnership by recognizing each other’s strengths.

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, starting over, or just beginning to understand how ADHD affects your dynamic with others—this episode is for you.

ADHD & Marriage: Love, Clutter, and Communication

For many couples, the real strain in their relationship doesn’t come from a lack of love—it comes from misunderstanding. In this eye-opening episode, Jami sits down with her cousin, therapist, and fellow ADHD-er Dr. Jane Rosen Grandon, to talk about the role ADHD plays in long-term relationships—and how learning to work with your brain can change everything.

From missed chores to mismatched energy levels to different clutter tolerance, Jami and Dr. Jane pull back the curtain on the everyday struggles (and surprising strengths) of ADHD in marriage.

ADHD in Relationships: Is It Just Me?

When you struggle with housework, forget to return texts, or crave more stimulation than your partner, it’s easy to blame yourself. But what if ADHD has been shaping those patterns all along?

Jami reflects on two major relationships in her life—one before her ADHD diagnosis, and one after. The difference? Awareness.

Once she understood how her brain worked, she stopped feeling like she was always falling short. She started asking for help, setting boundaries, and communicating her needs.
That shift didn’t just change her household. It saved her relationship.

What ADHD Looks Like Behind Closed Doors

Dr. Jane Rosen Grandon is the author of Keeping Love Alive and has been married for over 51 years. She brings both professional insight and personal experience to the table.

In this episode, they talk about:

  • The invisible weight of emotional labor

  • How ADHD can lead to resentment or “parentification” in relationships

  • Why sensory differences (like visual vs. auditory processing) cause friction

  • How a diagnosis can be weaponized—or turned into a tool for healing

One big takeaway? Understanding your partner’s brain is just as important as understanding your own.

Clutter, Chaos & Connection

Jami and Dr. Jane dive into one of the most common issues for ADHD couples: clutter.
They discuss how different tolerance levels and emotional attachments to stuff can create tension in the home.

Dr. Jane encourages couples to get curious about the clutter.
What does it represent? Safety? Control? Avoidance?

Once you understand the why, finding compromise becomes easier.

Communication is the Glue

In the Rosen Grandon household, the secret isn’t just love—it’s ritual. Jami shares how Dr. Jane and her husband make time every day for intentional, face-to-face connection—often in their hot tub. That daily check-in builds emotional intimacy, fosters communication, and keeps their relationship grounded even when life gets messy.

Whether it’s a shared calendar, a “honey-do” list, or simply asking about each other’s day—communication builds safety and connection, especially when ADHD is part of the mix.

Why This Episode Matters

ADHD in midlife isn’t just about distraction—it’s about how we live, love, and relate to others. If you’ve ever wondered why your marriage feels harder than others, why the house is always a mess, or why you and your partner seem to live on different frequencies—this episode offers clarity, compassion, and tools to move forward.

Jami and Dr. Jane remind us that ADHD doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker—it can be a doorway. A doorway to deeper understanding, teamwork, and yes—even joy.

Resources & Key Terms Mentioned:

Jane Grandon, Family Therapist

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